Clutches, Chains AND Consolation
Written by: Nicole Chinery - Intern
And if I had a penny for every time I have fought and lost to self-doubt, I’d be sitting on a gold mine. I don’t remember when or how this thing started, this gnawing feeling inside my chest that eats me inside out and spits me whole over and over till I am reduced to nothingness. This feeling echoes words I am only now learning not to associate with my voice. It settles in the pit of my stomach, and like venom slowly burns shreds of whatever semblance of self-love I have left. I do not remember when I started doubting myself but I know I have been hiding behind this facade of shyness for years. I allow the word ‘shy’ to console me, to caress my tear-stained cheeks and to also offer me a grip so that I do not slip into self-destructing patterns.
I know by now that nothing new burns under the sun and most people, at least some, can share my sentiments.
Many times, we take on identities that may not truly be in alignment with our authentic selves. Rather, we use these identities as coping mechanisms to protect us from triggered feelings of distress and discomfort, so like many others ‘shy’ became my clutch.
As much as it was my refuge, it restrained me because it blocked me from really expanding. I would often steer away from opportunities wherein I could grow because I limited myself to being shy. In essence, I was only shy because I was afraid. This is not to, by any means, frown upon coping mechanisms. However, there are healthier ways to deal with triggers:
Firstly, self-reflection allows us to identify the root of our feelings. I, upon introspection, realised that my shyness was rooted in a fear of being seen. By implication, I was not very confident but instead of punishing yourself as I did initially, love yourself through your insecurities. The truth about self-love is that it requires us to love ALL of ourselves, even the bits we are not too fond of. Daily affirmations for one can be a great way to alter how we think about ourselves because the more we say ‘good’ things about ourselves the more we believe them and our actions change accordingly. One of the underlying principles of affirmations is to reconstruct a new self-concept that caters for confidence by validating ourselves. If you’re feeling adventurous, I suggest doing them in the mirror.
Nonetheless, there are many other ways to change core beliefs about ourselves. I find I am a different person when I write than when I speak because my writing knows no boundaries- no limiting self-beliefs, it is utterly and irrevocably liberating. So to cope, I journal. Writing has permitted me to be bold both in writ and in deed, in hopes that I rid myself of self-doubt and that by extension, inspire you to be as loud, as bold and as beautiful as you are.